The convinience ball

Shes pouched up on her gigantic bed too horrified to walk to the bathroom. “Funny how beds feel so big in these circumstances,” she is saying to herself. They are late again. The damned blood spots are late again. She knows she looked at the calender well but revisits it all the same. They are two days late. Two days is good, right?How some women go for a whole two months without knowing Mr Red pants did not show is still a miracle to her. She is thinking about calling her doctor friend to ask him what her chances are. She stops mid way. He is going to scold her for being careless for the umpteenth time. But she wasn’t careless, she knew her safe dates and she counted carefully. She is telling herself she has been on this road one too many times. Gambling with dear life is never a great experience. Who forced her to grow up too soon?? Wasn’t it her? Her own stupid self who put this burden of thoughts on her shoulder. She never wanted to be thinking about babies in this particular moment yet she has to. She has to think it through because she knows all too well that people are defined by their choices and what she did was a choice. She also doesn’t believe in mistakes. So this was not a mistake. Shes been in bed for two hours now, too afraid to get the pregnancy test done. The lady at the chemist explained how to use it proficiently though the lurking horror of it being positive seems to have made her forget everything with regards to the test. An abortion is not an option for her. She has seen how that destroys lives and makes people easily broken. Her friend Mina has has had two abortions so far. She is know an emotional wreck to anything that points in the direction of children. Mina is constantly pained by the fact that she will never have a first born or a second born. Mina says the two times were mistakes but they both know she was just being selfish when she made that choice. She just thought of what the society would think of her never of what they’d think of her baby. She was so worried about her education that she forgot about her babies life. The unborn baby did matter. So abortion for Kate is not a choice. She is too fragile to be constantly weighed down by guilt. That however is not her biggest worry. Her worst fear is the father’s acceptance. Will he accept this child? Will he love her and the child the same way he does? She wants her child to have a loving father always there for them. She needs her child to be with it’s father. She needs a family for her child. Kate has been brought up in a broken home where the parents were constantly fighting over custody yet none of them was a good parent. She does not want or need that for her child. Kate also knows her worst mistake would be settling down just because she is pregnant for him. She can never have that. She has seen people end up fighting and unhappy for their forever timeline just because they settled for convenience. She can not afford that. It’s not expensive but rather too costly for her and her baby. She needs to get married for love and never for convenience. Her child needs to feel that it is not the ” mistake” that brought its parents together. Pulling herself together she walks to the bathroom. She needs to get this over and done with. To her surprise, the stains are there. Shes never happy about this time of the month but this time round she is.

2 thoughts on “The convinience ball

  1. Pingback: The convinience ball | mbuguafaith

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